Broken Heart

You called me today and you said to me: “Come home this Christmas”.
And I said… “huh?”

You said “Come home this Christmas, I miss you, I want to see you, I want to touch you, I want to show you my new collection of underwear”.
And I said… “oh… cool!”

But really, what were you saying? What was the underlying, mysterious, conspiring and intricate nature of you request, because I still remember the last words you said to me before this call… I remember them because you said “get the fuck out”
And that… well that stays with you.

And then you said “I love you”
And I said… nothing

I said nothing because there was nothing to say. the last time I saw you I had broken your heart, and I did not mean to do it, but that doesn’t make it any better now does it?
And i remember that you cried, and i remember that I cried, and we both cried like angry babies and that… didn’t help much at all either.

But today you call me and you say you love me and I don’t understand.
How can you love me?
I’m a monster, I broke your heart, I made you cry.

So i asked you… “Are you sure you still love me?”
And you said “Don’t be stupid, I don’t still love you, I stopped loving you a long time ago, the day I said to you get the fuck out”
And i said “Yeah… I remember”

And then you said “I just love you… once again”
You’re weird.

You say that love and hate are but a smile away from each other. For me, they’re not that close. For me, there’s at least 7 steps between love and hate and it goes like this:
I Love You, I Like you, You’re ok, I don’t care, You annoy Me, I Don’t want to talk to you, I hate you.
And you can’t walk that scale too fast… but apparently… I can.

And then, because of my stunned silence you said “I love you again, I don’t care that you broke my heart, just come home and let me love you, I know you never stopped loving me and I understand you didn’t want to break my heart”.
Oh, now you understand? so all the explaining I tried to do a year back was… well, I guess you understand now. Sometimes life throws you a curve ball and all you can do is deal. and that’s what happened.

So, in this conversation that has keeps playing again and again in my head; I said “So you forgive me?”
And you said yes.
And I was the happiest man in the world.

And it’s all true… except… you didn’t call today. But maybe… maybe… you will call tomorrow.